sometimes i wish tomorrow would never come...

I have French and Character Development and Scene Study tomorrow. I don't want to go the the acting class, I don't want to go, I don't like it, I don't. The teacher kinda creeps me out, the other students scare me, the whole damn class scares me, and we're gonna have to do scenes from Hedda and I just don't want to. Maybe this is one of those learning experiences...The atmosphere of my beginning acting class is so much nicer than this character development&scene study class. The beg. acting class is just...acting, it isn't some stupid pretentious "be the tree" acting....acting just is. If it isn't just being, if it isn't just doing then it's not real, and it sucks...that's all there is to it, and I can not stand the people who say "I'm taking this class so I can find myself, blah blah blah be true to myself blah blah." I want to say to them "who do you think you're fooling? You're taking this class because you want to be an actor, you want to go from here to the stage or screen or the street corner, wherever the fuck you want to go..." I hate pretensious people like that, they just annoy me. Acting isn't about "what's my motivation?" it's about your reactions to things...it can't get any more simple than that. I said I didn't really like Hedda Gabbler and I didn't really want to do scenes from it and someone said to me "well if you were doing the play you'd just do it..." okay, if I don't like a play, I wouldn't have auditioned for it in the first place, being assigned a random play to do scenes from I dunno....I just hate the way going to that class makes me feel.I sit there, in the dark and my stomach is in knots because I don't feel like I belong there. I miss Gigi, I miss the IH stage, I miss the auditorium, I miss Joe, I miss the dance room upstairs and the way the curtains smell. I just don't think I'm good enough, and it wears me out.