driving man...just driving

ah i did massive amounts of freeway driving tonight.the whole evening started out with me picking up tara, and then the two of us picking up nicole. we then headed to village host only to find brendan was not working. however, as distraught as we were, we ate there anyway, and will return...the food is muy bueno. the pizza is way better than roundtable...so were the boys...after that we went to shaw's for ice cream, i had rocky road, it was very good. we sat in the parking lot there and decided where to go, thought we should go ice skating so we stopped by nicole's house so she could get more money and a sweatshirt for tara. i suggested we call melissa and see if she wanted to join our little partay. she did, so we picked her up (i now know where she, amy and nicole live so i feel all knowledgable and shit). it was funny she wasn't ready right away so we sat across the street from her house for like ten minutes (probably less) and evan waved at us from the front window lol. once we had melissa with us, we headed toward bridgepoint. funny thing, it seemed everyone in the car kept forgetting that I HAD NO IDEA WHERE WE WERE GOING.we missed the fashion mall or whatever it's called exit and had to backtrack quite a bit because the answer to"do i go east or west?" is not"uhhhhhh" as i'm passing the eastbound part of the exit. hehe but it was fun. we ended up driving around this little neighborhood our new thing is"just keep going straight" hehewhen we finally reached fashion island highway/bridgpoint whatever the hell it is, we go into the ice place and there's a hockey game...so we deicded to go see a movie. after more driving around in circles we found the movie theater and saw legally blonde. it was a very cute movie..very funny.the movie ended and tara was freaking out cause it was like 11:30 and her mom was probably gonna be pissed once she got home. since we had to drop off melissa and nicole and we were in redwoodcity which is way out of my ass on the peninsula. as we're on the freeway my cell phone rings and it's amy who is waaaaaaaaay fucked up. she was so drunk and crap so she talked to us, told us she was at mills...when we dropped nicole off melissa suggested we try to find amy, so we drove to mills and found her... we took her home cause well.. yes. then we dopped melissa off, and then amy and then it ook tara home. i finally got home at around 12:45 and had to find a parking spot on the other side of the street so i don't get a ticket this morning when they clean the streets... no one was awake when i got home... i just hope i don't get in trouble tomorrow for being so late...but you know, if i do i don't mind so much, i'm glad we went and picked up amy. i was worried about her.. and i'm glad i took her home, i'd rather get in trouble for being late because i went out of the way to make sure a friend of mine was okay, than to have been earlier and not known what happened to her. so here i am now, at 2am thinking "well that was a fun evening" hehewe'll all have to do it again sometimemonica sent me bayarea.citysearch.com tonight so i've been drifting around there. monica and i are going to go to the pez memoriblia place in burlingame sometime :0)i also told her i'd take her to village host some night, cause the pizza was really really good...okay i'm going to shut up now.

found these in my notebook...

they say there are two sides to every coinseems lately I can't get it to land on the right sideyou're on the other side, standing there, will you be waiting for me?*********************************************I want a perfect lifeI want a happy endingevery conflict-summed upsloved and put awayin a thirty minute time slotI hate thingswhen they're to be continuedgotta wait around to find out how it's going to endI wanna live in TV landeverything's so much easier thereworst thing to happen- sent to bed without dinnerI want a life where nothing goes wrongnothing that can't be fixed somehowcause in TV land, I'd still be with you.*****************************************Those days, they seem so far awayhow we stood, watching eachotherfor some sign that it was okayto feel waht I thought you feltto see the things I swore you could see.Maybe I was wrongmaybe I was rightplease proove it to mecome see me tonightI left with no real goodbyeI think I was hopingit wasn't really goodbyeI still wish I was with youbut I know not all wishes can come trueI listen to the songs that leave me so lonelyso lonely I feel something in me dieslowly, but surely I watch myself fade awayall because in my mindI've said goodbyewon't you please wait for me...

you took my imagination, and stomped it in the ground...

I've been trying to figure out how to piece together parts of Drag...I'm really happy with what I have written which is intersting, I usually dont' like anything I write...I just feel like I need to write this, because even though parts of it are exagerations, it's her. She's going to be here and I need to get it out, I need to do whatever it is that's coming out of me because it just might kill me if I don't. I'm not sure how to even explain what she is in relation to me, because there are so many times where everything has been flipped around...I just know, she never really was a friend, even if she and,or I thought so. Friends don't do or say the things she's said and done to me. They just don't...people don't treat other people the way she treated me. I feel slightly hypocritical talking about it because a lot of things she's said to me, or I've said to her have been about how we should sort of forget things that happened in high school... but to me, the whole Richard thing, the whole stupid asshole boy thing, and her are totally different, even though they're tightly intertwined. I see her as this destructive, manipulative force in my life, one that just keeps following me, and sucking everything away like a parasite. With her, things are planned, she doesn't just do things because, she does them because she knows they'll hurt. ...but I digressI'm listening to "Both Hands." I haven't listened to this in a while, and suddenly I wanted to hear it, so I put it on. I need to learn how to play my damn guitar, or find someone who can who wants to write songs with me lol. I have lyrics, I just don't have any music to go with those lyrics, and it's driving me nuts.Erich had suggested asking Brendan at one point, but I'd feel really awkward calling his house, I really don't know that his mom ever liked me, and calling long distance is not good. Besides, anytime I've sort of talked to him online he's been really distant, and I don't know if it's just me, or what, but... things just aren't the same as they were two or three years ago...if we were both still in high school, doing the plays again I could probably ask him and during down times we could have worked or something...I just don't know anymore. Anyway, we may be having company tomorrow, which I'm not so excited about...I want to go do something tomorrow, or Sunday but having company will make that impossible. I'll be expected to stay and entertain with my parents. Not that I have anything planned right now anyway, but... I'm just so bored sitting at home. I'll have to talk to Tara and Nicole and Amy and them on Monday or something. Tara will be home Monday I think is what she said, maybe Monday depending on when she gets in we can go to Village Host or something. Maybe make a big old girls night out sleepover or something fun like that. I need to get Tara and Melissa cards or something for their birthdays... I still need to figure out whatever it is I'm doing for my birthday, which just seems at some points really far away, and then at others exceedingly close... ah time flies...

....and I have no ass

permablush: i sing as good as her, if not better. it sucks.tinycatherine789: of course you sing better!tinycatherine789: and you don't need a fat ass to be coolpermablush: my butt is *not* insured for a million dollars. hers is.tinycatherine789: that is scarypermablush: i wonder if she lost weight if it'd be worth less. hahahaha.tinycatherine789: i have no ass, so i can not even contemplate the idea of having one so large one must insure ittinycatherine789: lolpermablush: exactly.permablush: my ass is non-existent.tinycatherine789: "i'm sorry j-lo, your ass only weighs 25 pounds now, as opposed to last week's 30, your ass is now worth five pounds less.." Cate, Karen and Cate's non-existant ass. Go on, click to make it bigger, I still have no ass.I also scanned this one yesterday because I realized I never did scan it, and it is the visual that goes along with my funny driving story Raca...granted this picture was taken in like 1987 and it was snowing (a sure sign of the apocalpys to those who live in Southern California) but that wall...the little one, where the rounded wall and the other connect, yes Cate hit that wall her frist time driving... I'm so talented sometimes I scare myself.

i want you so bad, i think you ought to know that i intend to hold you for the longest time....

*le sigh*I actually did something tonight, I'm so proud. I was social lol.I emailed Amy, Tara and Nicole last night saying yo, summer's almost over let's do something tomorrow night. So, I talked to Amy and Tara about it last night, and we decided we'd call each other the next day and yada yada. So, today around 4? I called Tara and she was packing for the Arizona Feis she's randomly going to this weekend, and would call me when she could go out. So, I chatted with Amy about it a bit online, and then Tara called me back, and was like "Let's go to Village Host and harass Brendan." and I'm always down for that, so I said sure, and she gave me Nicole's phone number. So, Tara called Village Host, and I called Nicole and we decided that I would pick up Tara, and we'd go to Amy's house, then we'd all go to Nicole's. Well the people at Village Host said they didn't think Brendan was working, so when we got to Amy's and she deiced to drive too, we just picked up Nicole and crusied around Burlingame Ave. for a while. Then we went to TGI Friday's and ate and then went back to the Ave. Anyway, Burlingame is apparently one of the places for hot boys...I enjoyed Burlingame...Tara and I have decided we need to spend more time there. Tara and I will probably go harrass Brendan sometime next week...when she gets back from the feis. That will be fun.Tara wanted me to tell her the whole Steve story, so I got to tell that, and it seriously made me sort of sad to tell it, because on the 17th, it'll have been a whole year! a YEAR! that's such a long ass time.... but I guess that's what happens time keeps on moving...

sometimes, I forget

sometimes i forget you existand my world is just hangingover some blacknesslike a cloud ready to explode with rain.then, when i least expect ityou return, and pull the globe into the abyssand me along with itno matter what i dono matter what i sayyou keep coming backand i can't get you off my backand sometimes, when i'm happyi forget you exist

rewind, rewind, rewind

I've been sitting here, talking to Ashley, and watching the OLA show over, and over, and over. I'm such a loser sometimes. I'm going through serious dance withdrawls. This is what happens to me when I don't have dance three times a week, I sit, and I watch our Saint Patrick's Day shows over and over again thinking how damn cute we all are. I'm especially fond of the three hand from this show, but I'm rather biased so really that means nothing. I'm beginning to realize that certain things in life aren't going to happen, like I probably won't get to see Ashley and Stephen until September, which seems like such an unbearably long time I can't even stand it. I probably won't have a birthday party for a third or fourth or however many years in a row it is now... I can't even remember anymore. How sad is that? I suppose this is payback for every Chuck-E-Cheese birthday I ever had, I think I had four, so yeah...I just miss people, and because I have nothing to do with myself I miss the even more. I'm watching the parade now, all the little kids scrambling down Market, and Trisha's loud voice calling "WAAAALK! WALK!" hehe in this video you can sort of see our age group, since on the televised version you get two seconds of me and Brendan and that's it. Not that those are the most beautiful two seconds of the whole parade, but you know... some people view that as lack of our age group in general.I keep forgetting to update here. I still feel all awkward about the Little Crocodile one because I just feel like I'mbeing watched, and that everything I say there is being turned into one of those "well in your online journal you said this about me..." It's so stupid I can't even stand it. If she's still pissed off about something that happened in April, something that we *talked* about, and let me tell you we talked, I have the phone bills to proove it, then what the fuck you know. There are just some people who since high school has ended have shown what kind of friends they are, and that's fine. There are people who I haven't talked to since graduation and were pissed that I didn't call them on their birthday, well too fucking bad. I don't expect to hear from you anymore, don't expect to hear from me. I'm tired of always being the one that makes the giant effort to call, and keep in touch. I can't do it anymore. I just can't. If that makes me a bitch, then woo hoo gimme a crown, whatever. Oh dear god, the old ones saying "Howdy" sorry, got sidetracked by the parade...Anyway, so I haven't really written in here in a while because, well...I haven't been doing anything, I haven't seen anyone, I haven't been out except to move my car, and as exciting as that is to me, I'm sure no one else cares when I find the best parking spot, right in front of our house.Ha! on a funny note, I was at this random Josh Hartnett site, and it said one of his favorite bands is The Chieftans, LOL I should send him a tape of us doing Cotten Eyed Joe. "You like the Chieftans? Watch this...we're damn cool." I'm sure he'd appreciate it like I do lol.."Look, there's Cate, and there's the Frinker...oooohh look at how cute we are..."Speaking of, he's gotten WAY tall. Just watching these videos from March, and seeing him last weekend he's WAY taller now than he was at the OLA show the day before the parade. I still need to find that KRON show we did, because it's not as funny just remembering him say "Sometimes!" We are *never* going to let him forget that, his kids will know about that I'm sure."Lovely story really, when your dad was 13..." hahahaIf that's not funny enough the look he gives me when I ask him about his "girlfriend" is just the best. Raca, it's up there with your glare. It's like the Frinker version of the Raca glare...it's hillarious. I'm babbling now...

Concert

The concert last night was awesome. Dancing on a real stage, with real lights, and live music was just incredible. Eileen Iver's was really, really nice, and took pictures with all of us, and her husband is going to send us all t-shirts. Hopefully we're going to get a video of the show from one of the dance parents and copies of pictures, that'd be really nice, because we forgot our camera. I had this weird dream last night. I don't remember all of it, but there was one part, where I was trying on this really pretty green dress that was supposed to be for Winter formal or something, and I had to go and ask April (who went to my high school) if I could still buy a bid...it was odd but um yeah, Then I was sitting on the Mann's front porch (at their old house) putting ice in the front planter boxes. The front door was open and someone was vaccuming, and in the dream I knew that I was doing this, throwing ice in the planters, as a special surprise or something...that they weren't supposed to know about. Then Stephen came out while I was doing it, and was smiling and asked why I was doing it, and I said "because I read somewhere, that if you put ice in it, it stays watered longer in the summer, and it'll be greener..." and he was all happy about that, and said something about how he liked it when everything was all green, and then he huged me,and was saying things about how much we had in common, and how perfect we are or something and I started to cry.weird